I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
