just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
