I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
