Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
