woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
