what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
