So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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