What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
