Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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