awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
