I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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