Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
