I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
