The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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