I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
