Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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