Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
