Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
