before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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