I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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