Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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