Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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