I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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