There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
