I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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