Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
