Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
