Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
