May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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