Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
