My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
