Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
