yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
