Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
