he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
