u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
