Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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