I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
