i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found puke in my bra..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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