My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
