I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
