I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
