college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
