We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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