so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Farmville is her only friend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
