She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
