In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
