grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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