just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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