Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
