Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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