Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
