He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
